im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
