Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We need to get me chipped asap
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
