Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
