we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
