i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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