We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
