Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
