I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
