How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im holly from the hills drunk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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