walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
