your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
