My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
