The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
