So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
