I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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