God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
