I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
