ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
