Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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