GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
