U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
