i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
