I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
