Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
