New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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