he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
