fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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