he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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