In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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