he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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