If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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