How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
