I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
