I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize