He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize