i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
