I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
