is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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