i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
