I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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