Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Two words: blizzard sex
Pants are for mortals
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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