My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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