He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
