i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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