so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
