So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
