And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
