she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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