We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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