I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
