i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
