Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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