At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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