oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
