so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
