youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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