Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
