I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
