my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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