Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize