do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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