Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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