The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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