As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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