i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
