I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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