We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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