elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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