Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
