I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
