just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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