I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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