roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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