the day after is always just damage control
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
