just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
